Cindy it sounds as though you are handling this beautifully with your daughter, and being the mother she needs you to be – strong, clear, firm, warm and responsive to what she needs. It’s such a difficult one when you have information about other people’s kids that you understandably feel the need to share with their parents. I’m a big believer in your loyalty being to your own daughter first. She needs to know she can trust you with the information she’s giving you, otherwise you will stop getting the information you need to keep her safe and heading in the right direction.

If you need to, talk to your daughter about the importance of keeping her friends safe. Talk to her about the risks of using and let her know that you won’t speak to anyone unless she says it’s okay. At the same time, let her know that it’s important that she gives you as much information as she can – and that she can trust you with it – so at least someone is making sure things aren’t getting out of control. Let her know that if there is something you are worried about, you’ll talk to her about it and come to a decision about what to do together, whether this means talking to the other parents or something else. Let her know that it will be different if you find out things about her and her friends accidentally – if that happens it’s all bets off, so it’s in her interests to keep you in the loop. Here is an article about the risks of marijuana https://www.heysigmund.com/tag/marijuana/ and how to talk to teens about drugs https://www.heysigmund.com/teens-drugs-parents-need-know-conversation-response/. The most important thing is to let her know that you don’t judge her, that you understand, and that it means a lot that she listens to you and learns from the mistakes she makes.

I liked the article and your post added an explanation I needed. Thanks!

Fiona what a great way to channel their tendency towards risky behaviour! It’s so important that you have given them core values to set their internal compass to. It will give them something to refer to when things get confusing. The teen years are certainly an adventure! Sounds as though they are in wonderful hands.

I have boy/girl twins of 14 and a 12 year old girl too. They are all wonderful characters and started pushing the boundaries very early on!

With this in mind, and also not wanting them to hang around on the street, I signed all three of them up to Sea Cadets, my son is in Marine Cadet and loves getting muddy and going out into the field. The girls love the water bourne activities that the Sea Cadets gives them.

I feel that it has given them the chance to do risky activities whilst being supervised by trained professionals. They are also able to ‘be themselves’, which enables them to grow at their own pace. They also have peers who are like-minded, which helps too.

I have faith that our core family values will remain true to them and that they will be well rounded adults, but I am still not looking forward to the adolescent years!

You still have to watch out for the same issues. For girls, it might look like experimentation with drugs and alcohol, risky sexual behaviour. The idea is to support them when you can in helping them find safe ways to take risks or to experiment with novelty. The drive for novelty is a great thing about adolescence as it can make them dynamic and creative and it can lead them to find their passions.

Thank you. I absolutely agree with you that it is something we need to keep talking about. Thank you for adding your voice.