Comments on: Letting Go: How to Master the Art

By: Laura

Laura — Thu, 14 Sep 2023 15:17:02 +0000

In reply to Lauren. Lauren, I've discovered finally or completely that it serves you best to not bother to turn and walk away, until you know you are ready and can do it without looking back. The time will come when you're ready. You started a process, and if you trust yourself you'll finish it, when it's time. You'll know. Been there.

By: Lauren

Lauren — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 23:56:16 +0000

I have walked away from a abusive man three or four months ago . He broke me . Abuse was physical and emotional and I didn’t get the feeling everyone expected me to have walking away, I didn’t feel relieved yet I know I was brave and made the right decision. I am still in touch with this man, I don’t have the strength to completely let it go , block him and heal. I still love him and I feel so weak for it and I feel like my “ brave decision “ is a lie , a cheat. I am fully aware of the reasons why I had to leave, and how toxic is that person, he proved it and still does. We aren’t together anymore, yet not fully rid of each other , and I’m sure he’s feeling so in control. I wished the mind and reason were aligned with the heart ….I keep hoping I will heal one day and be able to close all contact and feel happy again . This blog helps so thank you

By: Denise

Denise — Wed, 14 Oct 2020 19:22:04 +0000

In reply to Jeff. Thanks for that succinct summary. Just what I needed this moment.

By: Jeff

Jeff — Wed, 12 Feb 2020 23:53:12 +0000

If you’re unhappy, you have three options:. I offer that you can

Accept it
Change it
Or
Leave it

And know that you cannot change people.. you have to accept them or leave them..

This works with every situation in life that you are not happy with..

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 05 Jun 2019 17:00:37 +0000

In reply to Mary.

Hi Mary, it is interesting how having commented on this article 4 years ago, I keep getting pinged and it allows me to review life since those first awful months of my separation/divorce. I was moved to reply to you, setting aside the emotional parts for the moment, so I’m sorry if I seem clinical: get an attorney, get a financial advisor and get a therapist. The first and hardest realization for me was that for the first time in 20+ years, we were no longer a team and I had to protect myself. We are now friends, we raise our son peacefully, we do stuff as a family, but literally the day after we moved him to his dad’s, I separated bank accounts and called an attorney, and we did not have a business, very much money or current substance abuse in the mix. This is not to say I didn’t later, out of sadness/guilt/pity make some stupid financial decisions in regard to him! In terms of his drinking, I would recommend Al-Anon or an equivalent if you aren’t in the U.S. You can’t fix him. I say this as a recovering (of 12 years) alcoholic myself. It has to come from himself, and you can support him in his sobriety, but you can’t throw yourself on the pyre of his destruction. What is happening now does not negate the good times, but the good times do not mean that the bad isn’t happening right now. Maybe he gets his shit together in the future, but part of becoming sober is owning that the bad stuff really happened, and accepting that the people around you needed to do what they had to do. For now, it’s lifeboat rules and your physical, emotional, and financial well being are paramount. Life does get better. You will get better. You can survive this. I wish you strength and peace!

By: Mary

Mary — Tue, 04 Jun 2019 07:50:49 +0000

I have no idea how to leave. I have been married forty years in two weeks. For the first thirty five years our marriage was like a fairytale. We shared our goals, dreams , agreed on issues with our two children and simply enjoyed life. We also were involved in a spiritual life. We were blessed by some people’s standards by being extremely successful in a start up business which sold for a large substantial amount of money. We built that company from ten employees producing about ten to twelve hard parts for the RZ industry and counting pennies for our children’s lunch money. Success happened overnight. I was working a day job then working at night, but good timing along with great work ethic that produced quality products provided us an opportunity to sell the company for over ten million dollars. Starting with a 25,000 investment in just three years. Things changed but we were still kept to our values. Over the years the job demanded many social activities where large amount of alcohol were always available. We would have a bottle of wine on a special occasion, but never even kroon any alcohol in our house because my father was an alcoholic my entire life. He was killed at 49 in a single car accident while under the influence of alcohol. Again as my children progressed through junior and high school we both enjoyed and was active in all school activities and enjoyed a blessed family life. When our children left for college born Im
Back to back years, my husband had to deal with some painful family problems with his elderly father who had developed an addiction to opioids from many surgeries. His father divorced his 78 year old mother for a local drug dealer. Also had squandered the family’s money and home. My husband then started to come to bed after I did. I found that strange because he always would want me to go to bed when he did. I then discovered he was using large amounts of alcohol after I went to bed. It developed into full blow alcoholism within a year.!he attended a 90 day treatment center and had had some success if nine months being the longest. My husband is a loner when he drinks. He will go to his farm alone and stay from one week to six or seven weeks at a time. In the last year he has become verbally abusive and had pushed me on a few occasions. When he is on his dry periods he is his old self telling me how much he loves me and is involved in our children and grandchildren’s lives. He adores all of them.Now the binges are getting closer together and is getting impossible to deal with. He lies constantly about his drinking. He decided about three years he wanted a divorce, but I stayed to keep my family together. I know look back and know that was a mistake. He has been really sorry about that or so he says, but now he won’t leave our house when he is drinking and it is becoming unbearable. He turned 60 this year and gets meaner every binge he goes on now. I just can’t take this life anymore. I feel like I live on a roller coaster, not knowing which husband will come home tonight. I still love him but am tired of his constant verbal abuse and broken promises. It is like I live with two different men. He will make elaborate vacation plans when he is sober then might follow through with about twenty percent of them. We have numerous businesses and I know a divorce will be lengthy and involved. I trusted him completely with our finances, which now I know nothing about. I am turning sixty my birthday and can’t vision the rest of my life so unpredictable. It is tome for me to forget the great thirty five years we had because they are gone and learn to deal with the present. I know I have a gut wrenching decision I need to make soon. Please help!

By: Sharon

Sharon — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 16:44:35 +0000

I’m struggling with a husband who I have been married to for 49 years. He had a stroke 4 yrs ago that left him mildly disabled but the emotional relationship with him has significantly changed. He just a week ago suffered a heart attack and then emergency open heart surgery. I have disconnected from him and I feel the pain for him. But I too am feeling guilty about my withdrawal. The sexual inappropriate advances and daily need for sex has exhausted me therefore I have cut him off. He had always had extreme desire for sex and has shown disrespect for me at times by exposing me. I love him as I love my children but not as a marriage partner. His needs are always more important than mine. My children don’t get it and that really hurts. I feel lonely sad and trapped by my sadness and loss.

By: Tony

Tony — Mon, 14 Aug 2017 14:17:14 +0000

In reply to Karen Young. Dear Karen- thank you so much for your words of encouragement. At this time I am having so much trouble letting go. I keep wishing she will call me and tell me that she had a change in heart. I am struggling to understand what the actual cause was for her to feel this way. This is the second time in my life that I experienced this sort of thing. The first was my divorse over 20 years ago. I want to cry but there is a mental block that wont allow me to do so. Thanks again Karen.

By: Karen Young

Karen Young — Mon, 14 Aug 2017 05:37:45 +0000

In reply to Tony.

I completely understand your heartache. Sometimes relationships change in ways that aren’t right for one or both people any more. This isn’t necessarily about a deficiency in either person, but about the combination of the two of you not working. Adjusting to your new normal without her will be painful for a while, but you will get through this. Your fear of being alone isn’t uncommon, but that is no reason to be a relationship that isn’t working for either of you or both of you. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You will get through this but for now your heart, body and mind need to adjust to a new normal. There is no easy way to get through heartache – I wish there was but there isn’t. All I can say is that you will get through, and one day this will make sense.

By: Tony

Tony — Sun, 13 Aug 2017 23:23:11 +0000

Please help!
Your article on Letting go is to the point and sounds like the right way to go if warranted. The contents and pathway are so terrifying and scary as hell to me. It’s sad people have to experience that sort of thing in their lifetime. Having said that, I did breakup a couple of weeks ago with my GF of 19 years. I just couldn’t handle our long distance relationship (LDR), She transfered 700. miles away for a job. In addition, my GF seemed to bond excessively with her 33 unwed daughter who has a 4 year old child. I am not jealous but I really felt like I was marginalized in the relationship. Should there be boundaries? We did have a good relationship up to about 4 years ago, that was before her daughter moved in. I tried to explain my discomfort regarding the LDR and was not given a heartfelt response that made me feel comfortable or sooth my insecurities due to loneliness. She basically downplayed my concerns. Eleven months into the LDR I broke up with her. Two days after I broke up, I panicked, got scared, lonely, more depressed and retracted the breakup. (please comment). We talked a couple of days later and things seemed to be fine between us. Then she stopped calling me. She said that I get angry and broke up with her when shes busy with her and she can’t spend time with me. I told her that I miss our intimacy. She signed off her e-mail with ‘”I love you and will always love you” (is this mixed signals or does it mean something?). How do you love someone and not try to make it work? There was never any substance abuse, violence, financial problems, infidelity or any other vices. I wrote her a heartfelt letter trying to patch things up. I haven’t heard from her in almost a week. I am 61 years old and she is 56. I am so scared of being alone. I know I am hanging on but do not want to start over again. I planned for a happy tretirement with her. It feels like our dreams are shattered. I havent I contacted her since. I felt fine after I broke up with her but was petrified when it all sunk in.
Please be blunt and do not pull any punches.