Comments on: Dealing with Big Feelings – Teaching Kids How to Self-Regulate

By: Jackie

Jackie — Sun, 25 Feb 2018 18:04:46 +0000

How would you recommend assisting a 9 year old boy whom I believe is prepubescent cope with his feelings of not being good enough. His negativity is so strong right now. He believes nothing is good enough, people are picking on him (parents, siblings, peers), etc.

By: Meyer

Meyer — Mon, 19 Feb 2018 21:31:00 +0000

Thank you for this article! I have a 6 year old who is very affectionate, compassionate and smart. He started the first grade last September and started having angry tantrums at school. He has always been very jealous of his younger brother, and we have sort of worked towards the conclusion that he is really unhappy not being the center of attention.
Since the early months of school we have been able to get him to have these tantrums less frequently, but they still occur. He seems to have an anger scale of 0 or 10 with nothing in between.
To give an example, last week his teacher told him he couldn’t have a bouncy ball in class (which he knows as it is an established rule), and she told him to put it in his backpack. When he continued to play with the ball, the teacher told him that she would take it away, so my sun threw papers on the ground and made a gesture as if he was going to kick her (thankfully he had enough self control to not actually make physical contact!)
Often if kids at recess aren’t playing the way he wants to, like they don’t let him control the game, or he doesn’t like the rules they are using, he will walk off and play alone. This seems like self regulation but I worry that he is isolating himself and not learning compromise and middle ground.
Could you please reference some further reading that you think might help me better understand how to help him navigate these emotions, and where they might be coming from?

Thank you again for the great article!

By: Karen Young

Karen Young — Sun, 04 Feb 2018 06:25:45 +0000

In reply to Mary O’Brien. Thanks Mary. If you copy the link and paste it into your email, it will direct your cohort to the page.

By: Mary O’Brien

Mary O’Brien — Thu, 01 Feb 2018 23:23:04 +0000

Thanks so much for this valuable article. I’d like to share it on email with my cohort, how can I do that?

By: Karen Young

Karen Young — Tue, 28 Nov 2017 01:53:54 +0000

In reply to Jean Tracy. Thanks Jean Tracy

By: Jean Tracy

Jean Tracy — Mon, 27 Nov 2017 22:17:08 +0000

Great article, Karen. There’s so much to like about it. I particularly focused on the 2 breathing techniques regarding hot chocolate and the figure 8.
I will be sharing this fine article on my social media sites.

By: Sophie

Sophie — Tue, 18 Apr 2017 16:15:05 +0000

I am a mother to a 5 year old. I struggle with serious and persistent mental illness myself and emotion regulation is a serious battle for me often. I have heard him say things like “why cant I act like that if you do” etc. It is difficult to explain. But I am trying my best to model appropriate actions to big emotions. I often used to find myself pushing through my emotional pain to keep him entertained. Even though I was suffering I kept playing with him or doing whatever needed to be done. Now I am learning that it is OK for me to say “Mommy needs a break so I can feel ok” so that I can sit in silence to breath or do some sensory deprivation which can be helpful to me. Im trying to allow him time to use imaginary play while I decompress while also letting him see that it is ok to take some time for yourself. We also listen to the Bedtime FM “Peace Out” Childrens guided meditations podcast nearly every day. It is my favorite guided meditation ever, even as an adult, because my inner child is a very real part of me and this podcast is so helpful for me as well. We are learning and growing together and I am so blessed with my boys presence.

Thank you for sharing this information. I often wonder how my life could have been different had I learned effective coping mechanisms as a child.

By: Karen - Hey Sigmund

Karen - Hey Sigmund — Tue, 14 Mar 2017 08:45:50 +0000

In reply to j.

Here is an article that might help https://www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-or-aggression-children/.

By: j

Mon, 13 Mar 2017 17:47:11 +0000

What about a 5 year old child who is quite sensitive, but *hates* feeling out of control, and redirects any feeling like fear, anxiety, or sadness into anger? He would rather be angry than cry. For instance, when he watches a new movie or reads a new book, and the main character (who isn’t a strong hero kind of character, maybe just a regular kid or a small animal) gets into a scary or sad situation, he will leap off the couch and yell at me that the book needs to stop, the movie needs to be turned off; that he hates it and hates me for reading it to him.
He attacks me with his fists and his words when he is emotionally upset. No matter how I try to reassure him that it all turns out all right in the end and I will hug him through it.
Or if he is upset about a real life situation (like having to go home from a friend’s house, or being scared of a new environment) and I ask him to use his words to talk it out, he would rather lash out in anger and bury the sad or anxious feeling instead of feeling it. We have him go to his room and practice taking deep breaths until he is calm (he decides when he is OK to come out again). Because if we stay with him and try to help him through his big emotions, it escalates into a tantrum.
We tell him it is OK to be angry, or sad, or upset, but it isn’t OK to hurt other people with his body or his words.
I am just worried about him burying his emotions like that. I want him to know it is OK to cry and be sad, and that I won’t judge him for it. But he would rather redirect it into anger.

By: Karen - Hey Sigmund

Karen - Hey Sigmund — Sat, 17 Dec 2016 23:36:07 +0000

In reply to Pru.

Pru you are doing everything right! What a beautiful way to explain his racing heartbeat. It is the physical feelings that come with anxiety or panic that can feel so scary – for kids and adults. It’s great that he is able to tell you what he is feeling. Here is an article that might help. It explains where anxiety comes from and helps to normalise it for them. It can be really empowering for kids to understand this, because it stops it feeling so scary. Here is the link https://www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-in-kids/. Here is another article about what to do when he is feeling anxious, and to help your own feelings of anxiety or worry from getting in the way https://www.heysigmund.com/building-emotional-intelligence-what-to-say-to-children-with-anxiety/. And finally, some things he needs to know to realise the many wonderful strengths that are in him https://www.heysigmund.com/kids-with-anxiety-need-to-know/. I hope these help. Keep doing what you’re doing though – you sound as though you’re doing a wonderful job.