Hi VH, it must be a challenging time for your son, especially if he’s in a new school or group.

As an introverted, quiet teen of your son’s age, I found Judo an amazing activity that fit my need to be energetic but not hurt anyone. After putting out mats, practicing and packing up, at the end of the session I’d feel calm, relaxed and confident. It boosted my self confidence. At 62 I found I have ADHD and this sort of complex and highly novel movement is stimulating and relaxing for my brain and body. I’ve done Martial train in g and teaching all my life. And Argentine Tango and ballroom dance.

Martial art training is not about fighting, mainly, but about polishing ourselves, becoming more confident movers in the world. And when you no longer fear falling over, or being jostled, because it’s is practiced weekly, kids can focus on their learning.
It’s also meditative through coordination and body sensation.

I highly commend it.

Hi there. You’ll find loads of information on this link, with plenty of practical things you can do to support your son https://www.heysigmund.com/category/with-kids/anxiety-in-kids-and-teens/. This article might be especially helpful https://www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-in-teens/. Wishing you and your son all the very best.

I feel like I need to help him more significantly deal with this while at school when he feels alone. Any suggestions would be most welcome. Thank you.

This sounds so frustrating and confusing for your daughter. Anxiety can be awful like that. Here are some resources that might help. Here is a video that explains why anxiety feels the way it does https://www.heysigmund.com/why-anxiety-feels-the-way-it-does-what-you-need-to-know-to-strengthen-against-anxiety/. There is also loads of information on this link https://www.heysigmund.com/category/with-kids/anxiety-in-kids-and-teens/. Take your time over it and talk to your daughter about it. Hopefully there will be something that helps to make sense of things for her, and strategies that help her move forward. I wish her all the best.

It’s about the incidental conversations you have along the way. Anytime you can, weave into the conversation how there is no such thing as failure – it’s all learning. Also be mindful of how you deal with your own failures and mistakes. Speak openly with her about the mistakes you make, and let her see you being okay with them and grateful for the learnings they’ve given you. Let her see you being self-compassionate and open to looking for the opportunities in the mistakes, and what you can gain from them (knowledge about what works, what doesn’t, what to do differently) rather than the regret. Of course it’s okay to acknowledge the losses, but it’s also important to acknowledge the opportunities that come with that – and there will always be opportunities. Undoing perfectionism isn’t easy, but be patient and keep the conversations going, and bit by bit she will open to a new way of thinking.

Grace try the stepladder strategy explained in this article here https://www.heysigmund.com/phobias-and-fears-in-children/. It’s the third option to making her do it alone and going with her. The idea is to gradually expose her to walking to the bathroom by herself, so she can gently ‘re-experience’ walking to the bathroom as feeling okay.